Uncertainty
by Lady Mac
Summary: Picks up where the movie left off. Spock/Uhura romance fluff. First two chapters are T, third is very M.
1. 1: In which being a linguist is advantag

Uncertainty

Author's Note: I have no idea when Chekov's birthday is, and I'm for sure too lazy to look it up and make sure this all fits. Mostly I put it in because the "sewenteen!" thing cracks me up and it's about time that boy stopped being jailbait. As I was writing this it occurred to me that Uhura has the rank of Lieutenant in the film, even though _she has not yet graduated from the Academy_. Or at least Spock refers to her as that (watch the gag reel, it's great! roflmao)  
Trying not to spoil up front, but please realize I don't know anything about the Romulan language, other than that it's linguistically (and biologically) related to Vulcan. I took an example from German and used it to shake things up a bit ;) So ... don't bother commenting on that, because really I don't care.  
Please do comment, though, if you want some sort of setup/prequel for this. There are a lot of S/U origin stories which have inspired me, but it may not be obvious what sort of past I'm working with.

Disclaimer: I own no rights to Star Trek. I promise to use it only for fun and to give the characters back in pristine condition! Well, maybe a little rumpled. *straightens the wrinkles in Spock's shirt and smooths his hair*

Chapter One  
In which being a linguist is advantageous

_Personal log, Lieutenant Uhura, Stardate 2258.67. It's four days now since the _Enterprise_ set out on our mission. I'm unaccustomed to making personal log entries, since the communications officer's log covers all the official business. But there's a time for personal log entries, and this is one of them._

_I've been giddy and uncertain since the moment Commander Spock stepped on the bridge four days ago. Giddy, because I had thought, and he had given the appearance, that he felt his duty was to his race and the reestablishment of a Vulcan world; instead, he appears and effortlessly becomes the first officer of my ship! Uncertain, because our relationship seems the same as it was at the Academy, before ... well, before all of this happened. He's friendly, but his attention to me appears calculated to "avoid the appearance of favoritism", as though he's ignoring what happened before. But he knew I would remain on the _Enterprise_, and once or twice I've caught his gaze, and I feel a connection. It's hard to say what all of this means to him, and he certainly isn't talking about it. Was what happened that day an isolated incident? I _was_ excessively forward with him, and his response honestly surprised me. Maybe he was just feeling vulnerable. Maybe he regrets it, but is too polite to say anything. Do Vulcans feel awkwardness? He hasn't acted as though anything unusual happened._

_I hope to clarify the situation soon. Captain Kirk mentioned that we're both on Alpha shift for the next two weeks at least, and hopefully I can pull myself together in that time to talk to him. To even broach the topic. I feel like such a fool dealing with him, a needy emotional human trying to get into a space he doesn't even want to have. I thought xenolinguistics would give me a leg up on this sort of thing, but it appears my degree is of little use in this situation. _

_Maybe I can write to Gaila about this. There has to be some benefit in putting up with the constant march of boys._

Nyota forced confidence into her stride and straightened her posture when she stepped onto the bridge the next morning. Kirk gave her a nod and a brief greeting which she returned in kind before relieving Ensign Jameson. Spock was not yet on the bridge, and she quickly focused herself on the work at hand. She was a few minutes early, and the First Officer had become notorious for his punctuality, always precisely two minutes early for his shift.

She glanced at the clock in the corner of her display when the turbolift doors opened. Right on time, Spock entered with Ensign Chekov. Pavel's continuous enthusiasm for his job was turning into a welcome ritual for the Bridge crew, and everyone hid smiles and chuckles as he practically skipped to his station. Spock, as usual, was not part of the Pavel Appreciation Brigade, and instead went straight to skimming the overnight shift's notes.

Kirk's voice cut through the low hum of work. "Ensign Chekov."

The boy turned. "Yes, Captain?"

A smiled turned on the corner of Kirk's lip. "I understand you have a birthday coming up."

Pavel literally puffed up. "Yes, sir! Tomorrow is my eighteenth birthday."

"Let me be the first to congratulate you." A soft chorus of "congratulations" and "happy birthday" came from around the bridge. "We'd like to throw you a little party, after Alpha shift tomorrow. Think you can make it?"

"Of course, sir!" Chekov's eyes lit up. "I am wery honored, sir."

"Things like this are worth celebrating, I think. No need to be too serious around here." Jim made pointed eye contact with Spock, who merely raised an eyebrow and went back to his work.

Uhura trembled slightly. This was her opportunity! No need to try to catch the commander on the bridge and make anything public. And really, only a few people knew what had happened between them. It would be good to keep it that way. The bustle of the party would be a good cover to catch the Commander alone. She was certain he would make an appearance, unwilling as he was to put an overt downer even on Kirk's frivolous ideas.

XXXXX

Alpha shift passed as it usually did, and Uhura left when her Beta shift replacement arrived. She murmured a soft "good evening" to Spock as she passed, which seemed to startle him momentarily. But the moment passed quickly. "Good evening, Lieutenant." She lingered a second or two, unwilling to break eye contact, but turned and walked into the lift.  
It happened that her evening was decidedly not good. A case of nerves persuaded her to work a bit too hard on the treadmill, and she spent her dinner sullenly reading and icing the protesting calf. None of her shipboard friends were free, so she retired early to her quarters where she found herself entirely unable to relax. She kept rehearsing the things she might say to Spock tomorrow, but none of them seemed right.

_"Excuse me, Commander, there is a personal matter I wish to discuss with you." _Disgustingly formal.

_"I noticed you've been ignoring me since that time we saved the Earth from Vulcan's tragic fate."_ Obviously a bad choice. Might as well add, _"By the way, my mom is alive."_

_"Did our kiss mean nothing to you?!"_ A sign she had seen too many movies.

_"What is this between us, exactly?" _Too forward. Also not likely to get any kind of a good answer.

It took her a long time to fall asleep, and she was groggy when she awoke the next morning.

XXXXX

She arrived on the Bridge later than usual -- getting ready had been a chore today, complicated by the fact that she had tried to make her makeup look a little -- well, something. Not flirty, but not plain either. Spock was already there, and she couldn't avoid his greeting. "Good morning, Lieutenant Uhura."

Her breath caught, and her "Good morning, Commander," sounded strangled. Spock appeared not to notice, but Kirk caught her eye with a quizzical glance before she sat down. She tried not to blush. Leave it to Jim to know exactly what was happening on his ship, and the first officer to be entirely oblivious.

Captain Kirk sidled up beside Uhura's chair a few minutes later, while Spock was on the other side of the bridge. "So I'm curious," he said softly. "What is going on with you?"

Uhura's neck and ears grew hot. "Nothing important, sir."

"Nothing important, my ass!" He crossed his arms. "You've been acting weird, and today's the weirdest yet. What's gotten you so skittish?"

She hazarded a glance in Spock's direction. He was engrossed in a conversation several meters away, out of earshot.

"It's Spock, isn't it. What did he do?"

She blushed again. "Nothing. Hasn't done anything."

Kirk seemed about to protest, but then realization dawned. "Oh." Several awkward seconds passed in silence. "Well, if you need me for anything--"

"No thank you, Captain." She did her best not to make it sound harsh.

He studied her as she tried to ignore him. "He'll be at the party at 1800 hours. I told him it wasn't optional."

Uhura suddenly trembled. "Thank you, Captain."

"No problem." His glance lingered for a moment, but then he righted himself and stepped away.

XXXXX

The hours dragged. Uhura had little to do, but Spock was busy, his motions attracting her attention. She checked and re-checked all the operations of her console to pass the time -- of course, nothing was amiss. Unimportant snippets of irrelevant conversations flitted by in subspace, and she tried to focus her entire attention on each one. She saw when packets of information arrived from Starfleet, and checked that they went to the appropriate destinations. They did, automatically. The _Enterprise's_ systems worked flawlessly.

Spock spoke to her once, briefly. She answered with the fact he requested, and the interaction ended.

Uhura was extremely wound up when the shift finally ended, and she rushed off as quickly as she could to her quarters. She had an hour before Chekov's party was supposed to begin, and tried to use the time to compose herself. Deep breathing and stretching helped her calm down, but she was no closer to knowing what to say to the Commander. She changed into modest off-duty clothes and, at the appropriate time (so as not to arrive early) set out for the mess hall.

She had calculated well, and the room was beginning to get crowded when she arrived. The tables had been arranged so that the guest of honor could be easily interrupted while he ate his dinner, and she smiled at the birthday crown that someone had placed atop his head. Pavel chatted animatedly with his crewmates, and glasses of fizzy blue drinks seemed to be appearing from nowhere.

Spock arrived, a few minutes after she did, through the opposite doors. The crowd shifted slightly to accommodate him as he did; they seemed wary to invade his personal space. Captain Kirk also noticed the arrival, and stood up behind Chekov and pinged at his nearly-empty glass.

"Ladies, gentlemen, all manner of people!" he said loudly enough to quiet the chatter. "I'm glad you could all make it here to celebrate Ensign Chekov's birthday." Applause rolled around the room. "Ensign, would you like to say a few words to commemorate the occasion of you reaching the age of majority?"

The crowd laughed and Pavel blushed, but stood and held his glass. "Thank you all wery much. I am extremely grateful to be on such a vonderful ship, vith such vonderful crewmates." There were a few cheers, and Pavel finished with a toast. "To wodka!"

The group in the middle of the room exploded with cheers and congratulations, and from somewhere else a birthday song got going, followed by one in another language from a different area. Klingon? She was surprised that so many crew members knew the language -- although, come to think of it, they had probably just learned the song._  
_

The idea hit her so hard she caught the counter to stop from reeling. _Of course!_

She sidled as casually as she could in Spock's direction. He was standing on his own near the window, glancing around the room. To an untrained eye, he was his normal, cool self -- if a little bored. But Nyota's training as a Comm officer, and three years of crushing on the object of her current attention, revealed awkwardness in his stance. His shoulders were tense, his head held too high. As she moved towards him, he glanced over and straightened very slightly. She kept her face carefully neutral and moved to stand next to him by the window. The light of the stars reflected subtly in his dark eyes; she forced herself not to notice.

"_Good evening, Commander Spock._" The Romulan words fell easily from her lips, and the syllables were largely lost in the clamor of the party.

Spock's eyebrows raised somewhat in surprise. "_Good evening, Lieutenant Uhura._" His accent was perfect, as she already knew. It sounded beautiful.

"_Do you suppose, Commander, that we are the only two at the party who speak Romulan?_"

Spock considered a moment. "_No. Ensign Ye and Ensign Singh studied it as a requirement for the Xenolinguistics major at the Academy._"

Nyota could not see the two in question, they were apparently blocked from her view by the crowd. "_How do you know that?_"

"_I led their study group two years ago._" He glanced sideways at her. "_You are concerned that we will be overheard._"

That hadn't taken long at all. She tried to look straight ahead. "_I want to talk to you without being conspicuous._"

"_I believe you are succeeding in that goal._"

She caught a glimpse of Musi Ye through the movement of the crowd. She was laughing, holding a nearly-empty glass, and extremely flushed -- clearly drunk as a skunk.

"_What do you wish to discuss?_" For a moment his accent wavered towards Vulcan, and Nyota resisted the urge to look at him. She watched as Pavel threw back a shot.

"_I ... I would like to discuss what happened on ... on the day that Vulcan ..._" She couldn't think of a tactful way to end the sentence.

She could practically feel the tension coming off the man beside her, and the silence was deafening in the din. When his voice came, it was softer than before. "_I remember that day well._"

Nyota took a deep breath to steady herself, and did not look at him. She could feel his gaze on her, though. "_So do I. There are ... certain parts that I prefer to remember more than others._"

_"I believe I know to which events you are referring._"

A smile quirked on her lips. "_Care to test your hypothesis?_"

There was a pause again, but shorter. "_You are referring to when we ... kissed in the lift. And again in the transporter room._"

She let herself look at him this time. He was gazing straight ahead into the crowd, face neutral. But his ears had taken on a distinct green tinge, which looked to be creeping into his cheeks. She had never seen him blush before -- she wasn't even sure it was possible. Her neck grew warm in response. "_Yes._" She let her smile creep into her voice. "_How may I interpret your current physiological response, Commander?_"

The green grew deeper, and he moistened his lips. "_The memory of those events ... pleases me._"

Romulan grammar had caused him to phrase it that way. In Standard or Vulcan he would have described his memories as pleasant. As it was, his statement was a double entendre. Nyota was quite pleased with herself, and gave Spock a time to relive what he had just said to her. "_Why, Commander Spock! Are you embarrassed?_"

"_Vulcans do not feel embarrassment._"

She nearly giggled. "_I doubt that very much._"

He looked at her pointedly. "And I do not lie."

They both inhaled sharply when the words came out in Standard, but no one else seemed to notice. Had she really distracted him that badly? She put aside her shame and decided this was a good thing. He was obviously reluctant to talk about what she wanted to talk about, but poking his emotions let them slip out here and there. Especially in a language he knew well, but was better suited to emotional speech than logical.

"_That may be true, sir._" She looked at him, pointedly speaking in Romulan again. Their gazes locked. "_However, you are not fully Vulcan, and your previous statement is misleading_."

He seemed taken aback for a moment, but it passed quickly. _"You are very observant._"

Frustration flared. "_Stop avoiding._" The words were harsh, and she knew it. But really, they were on the high warp express to nowhere. Reason sat down in a corner of her mind and closed its mouth. _"Don't pretend that nothing happened that day. You know that I could feel you when we touched. There was an empathic connection, even though you fought it. Yes, I could tell._"

Spock's lips opened, then closed again.

Nyota decided speechless was okay, and continued. _"I know you have emotions in there, and I know you don't want to, but nobody can change that._"

His voice was raspy. "_The discipline of kolinahr..._"

_"Shut up,_" she interrupted, and his mouth closed. "_You know as well as I do that that was going to be a lie. Well, maybe not a lie, but avoiding. Stop avoiding me!_"

He stared at her, and she glowered back. She hadn't really meant for it to come out that way, but there it was.

"_I apoliogize._" His gaze flicked away. "_I had no wish to upset you._"

"_Well, you're doing a crap job of that_." Romulan had been a good choice, she thought again. "_It's pretty clear to me that you don't have any experience with girls._" In the language she spoke, this carried the additional implications that he was a virgin, and would probably always be one.

Color tinted his face again. "_It is true that I have never had a romantic relationship._"

"_Do you think you have one now?_"

The forthrightness of the question startled him. "_It ... is difficult to tell. I realize that this is the point of our conversation, but I do not have a concrete answer._"

"_Spock._" She lifted a hand and touched his arm. A very intimate gesture, to a Vulcan, though much less so than the one that had made him blush before. He flinched, but did not pull away. "_You don't get it. I'm not trying to analyze what happened. What happened was confusing, and more so when it stopped. I want us to decide what happens next._" She sighed. "_What do you want?_"

He looked at her carefully. "_It is apparent that Captain Kirk has not told you of the message I intended to send to you, in the event of Mr. Scott's inability to remove me from the _Jellyfish_ at the right time._"

"_Was he supposed to?" _Her hand dropped in surprise. Yes, he was avoiding again, but this was a new development.

_"No. In fact, he did not allow me to complete my request to him."  
_

_"So what was this message you had for me?"  
_

Spock broke eye contact, but did not move away. Their hands were very close together. _"I requested that, in the event I did not return, he would tell you ..."_ The last word seemed to be choked off. _"You must understand I was in a peculiar state of mind that day."  
_

The words stabbed her in the chest. _"That's what you said to tell me?"_

"_No._" He looked back. _"That is merely an explanation of my motivation, to enhance your understanding._" He stopped. "_I wish to retract my last statement. I fear it will be misleading._"

"_It never happened._"

He recognized the hyperbole of her human expression. _"I did not actually complete the statement to Captain Kirk at the time, as he interrupted me. But my intent was clear, I believe. I asked him to ..._" He glanced at her, then away, and the flush became apparent again. His next words spilled out very quickly: "_I asked the Captain to tell you that I love you._"

Nyota's jaw literally dropped. She stared at him, while he stared into the party. Several young ensigns were standing on a table, supporting Chekov between them. The birthday boy was obviously intoxicated, speaking and laughing loudly over the noise. People clapped and sang and shouted as he tried to do a little dance, but did not have it in him. The party raged, and Nyota was speechless, transfixed by the words that had just been spoken to her, by an alien, in an alien tongue.

She tried to swallow, and made a pathetic sound clearing her throat. The words she spoke were breathy, barely audible. "Will you ... could you please repeat that in Standard?"

Spock got a little greener before his composure returned. He turned and faced her. "Would you like to continue our conversation elsewhere, Lieutenant? The noise in this room is becoming excessive."

Words didn't work, so she nodded. With impeccable calm, he moved on the edge of the crowd to the door, and she followed with as much businesslike indifference as she could muster. The noise diminished dramatically when the doors closed behind them, but they were not alone. She followed him to the lift.

"Deck Three," he instructed as the doors closed. Then, without hesitation, he pushed the hold button. His brown eyes held her gaze with an intensity that was at once enticing and frightening. "Would you like me to tell you the exact words I intended to speak to the Captain?"

Please, God, yes. "Yes."

His look held her, both of them unmoving. "I quote. 'Please tell Lieutenant Uhura that I love her.'"

Nyota's mouth was open. She knew she looked like a fool. But ... this was really the last thing she had expected to hear. She wasn't sure how to respond. Love? _Love?_ Three years of illicit crushing and a total of one minute of chaste kissing were very confused by the statement. On some level, she scolded herself for imagining he had ever said such a thing.

Spock tilted his head very slightly. "Nyota?"

She blinked and closed her mouth. It was the second time he had ever addressed her by her first name. Basic training kicked in. "Sir."

"Nyota." His gaze seemed to soften. "I do not wish for our relationship to be military in nature. It would preclude the question I wish to ask you now."

Her breathing was rapid and shallow, but she maintained eye contact.

"May I kiss you again?"

She all but lunged at him. Noses bumped, hands grasped shoulders, and gasping breath pierced the still air. His lips were hot against hers, firm and seeking. She held tight to the sides of his face, and he clutched at her back with both hands. His back bumped the wall of the lift and their intensity grew. Parting lips, searching tongues, tilting heads, racing hearts.

The lift chimed at them politely. It had places to go.

Suddenly they were apart. Nyota was dizzy and steadied herself on the bulkhead. Spock indulged the lift and released the hold. Moments later, the doors opened on Deck Three. Spock looked at her intently, and his breathing was ragged. "Please accompany me."

How could she say no?

XXXXXXXXXX

Thanks for reading, friends! Second chapter is forthcoming. Please let me know what you thought in the reviews. Do you need any background? I could do a chapter zero.


	2. 2: In which hidden things are brought to

**Uncertainty**

A/N: Thanks to all the reviews so far! A couple of responses:

--isobel: Thanks for the suggestion! Not sure if I'll use it, but I have it bookmarked.

nyotarules: Is it really? I haven't read the book, so I don't know what that establishes as far as a backstory for the couple (or if it's considered canon). Also I don't mean to imply that there was *nothing* going on at the Academy (shuttle hangar scene ftw!), just no kissy stuff. Mostly, I really don't think Spock would get involved with a student, and his trouble with emotions in the movie says to me that he hasn't been dealing with them.

Unless I state otherwise, I like to be as possibly-canon as I can, and Memory-Alpha doesn't cite its source for them being romantically involved pre-movie. I'm working on a prequel to this actually, to explain my take on it, but I won't post it until this story is done.

Standard disclaimer.  
**  
Chapter Two**

**In which hidden things are brought to light.**

Spock walked past the door to his office, and entered his pass code to open the door to his personal quarters. Uhura was right on his heels, and he turned to her when they were inside. The lust that had overwhelmed him was less intense now that he had suppressed it, but he knew that careful control was the only thing standing between him and something he would regret. "Would you like a glass of water?"

Her eyes were still wide, her lips swollen from their kisses. "Um ... yes. Please."

He gestured for her to sit at his table, and went into the kitchenette for two glasses. When he got back, she seemed to have relaxed a little bit. The glass made a little _thump_ as he set it on the table, and he sat with his adjacent to her. Despite the dim lighting, he could see her clearly. Her pale pink tunic covered her modestly, but the thin fabric clung in ways that a uniform never did. The color reflected off her coffee-colored skin, the highlights emphasizing the planes and curves of her face.

Spock had often appreciated Lieutenant Uhura's beauty, but he had not anticipated the emotional reaction he felt brewing deep in his chest. It was a sensation unfamiliar to him -- not exactly lust, although it was similar. It was also different from what he had felt for her when she was his student at the Academy. That had been camaraderie, enjoyment of her intelligence and unique personality, maybe even true friendship. She intrigued him still, but something was different today. He didn't know what it was, but it made it difficult for him to speak.

She took a long drink of water, and held the glass in both hands before her. "So. That clears things up a little."

He nodded. "I did not intend for our relationship to be ambiguous. However, I had not yet thought of an appropriate way to introduce the topic." He looked over at her. "Thank you for taking the initiative."

"Sure." She smiled a little. "I'll admit I was pretty upset by the whole thing, days going by like nothing had happened. Like, I knew we were pretty good friends when I was a cadet, and I wanted more, but I'm glad nothing really happened then."

"It would have been wholly inappropriate," he agreed.

"And then we were both active duty, and so much happened, and I couldn't help myself. It killed me that you were hurting so much, but not showing it at all, and everything just kind of happened."

"I was trying to ignore my grief and keep commanding the ship. You helped distract me from that feeling." Spock's heart was beating harder, even though he was not physically exerting himself. Curious.

Uhura sighed. "I'm glad."

There was an extended silence as Spock tried to read her. She was happy, yes, glad that he was interested in her. But she still seemed ... disappointed? He had seen the tight lips and sighs in the past, when she was unhappy with her coursework, or a friend was frustrating her. It was suddenly urgently important that he was not the cause of her unhappiness. "There is something else you desire."

"Oh, no. Um. Not really. I mean ..." She fidgeted with the condensation on the table. "Everything's good between us, right? That's what matters."

"Your agitated expression suggests otherwise."

She bit her lip and sighed again. "I just ... I was really confused when you kissed me back. I wasn't expecting that at all. I'm kind of wondering what was going on in your mind."

Spock allowed himself a brief half smile. "Very little, in fact."

She laughed, and the tension left her posture. "You flirt!"

Spock had an idea then. Nyota had been curious what he was thinking, when in fact, his mind had been consumed by emotions that he could only barely control. "You were correct when you stated that I tried to block the slight empathic connection. My feelings at the time were overwhelming, and I knew that it would be traumatic for me to allow you to feel as I did, without your permission. However, if you would like to, I can share that with you now."

"You mean ... like a mind meld?"

"No. It is different. We will not share our thoughts, simply feelings, and it is not dangerous to an untrained mind such as yours."

"How do we do it?"

"We need only to touch our fingertips. But before we begin, you must express your full and considered consent." Maybe it was a bit much, but the emotions would be very intense, and he felt their relationship was fragile. He was unwilling to risk the comfort between them in case she was upset by what he had felt, or by the experience of sharing it.

"I consent, Spock. What do I do?"

"Turn to me, and lay your hands palms-up on your knees." She turned her chair, and he moved to sit directly in front of her. Their knees touched. He laid his fingertips gently atop hers, and closed his eyes. As the link formed, he felt her curiosity. "I recall the time in the lift."

Nyota gasped as the emotions came to her. Grief, rage, and confusion roiled together. Then, a flicker of relief.

"You hugged me," he murmured.

Sadness came to the forefront, and gratitude. Then, suddenly, surprise.

Spock's voice was a hoarse whisper. "You kissed me."

Surprise flowed into desire, slight arousal, and love. The seconds ticked by, and love and desire mingled to block out the other feelings. But then the desire began to fade, and sadness and determination grew.

"I need everyone to continue performing admirably."

Acute sadness came to him across the connection, and he pulled his hands away. Nyota stared down at hers, breathing heavily.

"In the transporter room, I was much calmer," he said. "I was focused on my task, and very grateful that you were there with me. I felt great affection for you and wished to reassure you."

"I could tell you were lying a little."

"It was extremely difficult, but I understood it was the correct social protocol in the situation."

Nyota laughed, and rose to her feet. "Is your couch more comfortable than these chairs?"

He quirked an eyebrow. "I have not used it."

She smiled and he followed her to the window, and they sat side-by-side. It was comfortable, but clearly new. Her relief and joy were obvious as she stroked his shoulder, and he let both of his hands rest on her leg. One of hers touched the back of his knuckles; her skin was soft and cool.

"I must confess," he said, "that I have loved you for some time. I did not wish to acknowledge it while I was your instructor, and felt it was unbecoming of a Vulcan to feel so."

"Vulcans don't love?" Her hand reached to trace the edge of his ear.

He repressed a shiver of desire at the touch. "They do, but not publicly. It is never mentioned, even with regard to marriage."

"Vulcan marriages are arranged, right?"

"Yes. My parents' marriage was not, but I had always believed it was a logical choice. That was how my father explained it to me." He looked into her eyes, trying to convey sadness in his expression. "Until my mother died. He told me that he married her because he loved her." Spock glanced down at their hands. "I had never known that my life was a product of love, that my father himself had loved deeply enough to turn his back on our people's traditions." He blinked, trying to keep the sudden moisture from obscuring his vision.

"Spock, are you--"

"No," he assured her, lifting his head and hoping that she would not see the drops clinging to his eyelashes. "I am well, Nyota. My father's revelation came as a great surprise to me, but it allowed me to examine my feelings for you, knowing that I could reconcile being Vulcan and also being in love."

"You're only half Vulcan."

"True. The human parts of me, I believe, are what allow me to so vividly experience affection for you."

She sighed and smiled. "I've loved you for a long time, Spock."

His eyes closed and he relaxed into the touch of her fingers on his scalp. "I know." He was not surprised when her lips grazed his, or when his hand moved of its own volition to pull her closer. Their kisses were soft and sweet, relaxed, savoring; Spock projected his feelings of calm and love through the empathic link at their fingertips, and he felt her sending them back. They needed nothing else.

XXXXX

_Endnote: Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know what you thought. There's one more chapter, and it's going to be explicit so keep the kiddies away. I'll do my best to get it written before my break from real life is over!_


	3. 3: Experimental uncertainty

_**Uncertainty**_

A/N: Thanks to everyone for all the comments! I've been trying to explain myself about the Academy relationship a bit, but I'm going to leave that for now and you can trust me that I've worked hard to fit this all in the established canon of the movie, and to keep everyone in character. I'll work on the prologue to this (titled Entanglement), and hopefully get the first chapter of that up in the not-too-distant future. Thank you for reading and reviewing!! Please enjoy the final chapter of this story.

There are a couple of Vulcan words at the very end, which I got from the VLD.

Standard disclaimer applies.

**Rating notice: This chapter is rated M for explicit sexual content. **If you can't handle it, please read something else.

_**Chapter Three: Experimental uncertainty**_

It was important to Spock that their relationship remain a secret to the rest of the _Enterprise_ crew. Nyota agreed; there would have been a lot of questions about the couple, the nature of their relationship while Uhura was Spock's student at the Academy. They had nothing to hide, but a first officer's life was easier without people poking in your personal business.

Captain Kirk remained, thankfully, silent on the matter.

Their professional relationship remained unchanged for a time, with the exception of a few gazes that lasted a bit longer than was really necessary. Days passed, then a week, and Spock felt brave enough to brush Nyota's shoulder as he would walk by, to look over at her when he sensed she wasn't busy. She returned these gestures. Another week, and he grew bolder, allowing their fingertips to brush when they met in passing. Each time, he felt Nyota's delight at his touch, and he tried to send her as much happiness and love as he could in the brief second while the link persisted. When the time came to make the duty schedules for the next two weeks, he did not hesitate to put them both on Alpha shift. It was a logical choice, and not indicative of favoritism. Captain Kirk needed his best Communications Officer on the Bridge.

Off-duty was a different story. They saw each other almost every evening, usually in Spock's quarters. At first, they would only eat dinner together, surrounded by a group in the mess hall. This only lasted a few days before Spock joined Nyota for lunch, then started coming to the mess for breakfast while she drank her coffee. After their shift, they would work out together, or meditate, or read, or simply sit and talk. The evening always included kissing.

Despite their growing emotional intimacy, Spock was reluctant to share his lust with Nyota through their empathic connection. It seemed improper to essentially _ask_ her for their relationship to become more physical. After they had been together three weeks, though, she noticed.

She pulled back from his kiss. "Spock, what are you holding back?" Curiosity, but also annoyance.

He took his hand away from hers. "I am holding nothing back."

"You're a terrible liar. You know I can tell when you're hiding something."

If it were possible for Vulcans to look sheepish, he did. "I was not aware."

"So what is it?"

His ears turned green, and she touched one. He didn't pull away, but looked up into her eyes. "Physical desire."

A loud laugh escaped her. "Why would you want to hide that?"

His eyebrows came together in an expression of confusion. "I have no desire to pressure you."

"Spock, really." She touched her fingertips to him, and thought hard about how she felt every night, when she left to go back to her quarters. Her kegels clenched, and Spock inhaled sharply. "I want you," she breathed.

Spock was silent, and his fingers trembled very slightly. Through the link she could still feel him repressing, his mind filled with anxiousness, and even a bit of fear.

She removed her hands. "Spock, what is it?"

He shook his head. "I ... I am not certain what I want."

"You've never done this before." It was plainly obvious.

"There is more than just that. I am not entirely certain ... that I can."

Nyota had definitely not expected that. "You mean ... Vulcans ...? But they _must_!"

"We do not discuss it. I have known that this occasion would come, but I do not know what to tell you."

"Vulcans do have sex, though right?"

"Yes, we ... they ... reproduce sexually."

"And you have genitals like a human man? You're _here_, after all."

"Yes, all Vulcans are physically compatible with humans. But Vulcans do not have recreational sex as many other species do. Desire manifests itself only periodically, as a biological imperative. I should not say more than that."

"I think it's only logical that you should. I deserve an explanation, don't I?"

He paused. "Perhaps you are correct." There was another, longer pause, before he spoke again. "Vulcan males reach sexual maturity when they experience their first _Pon Farr_. It is, as I said, a biological imperative to mate, which occurs every seven years of adulthood. In preparation, Vulcan children are betrothed at the age of six or seven, and then married at the onset of _Pon Farr_."

"You're betrothed?" Suddenly she felt sick to her stomach. How could he have let this happen if he had someone already? They'd been making eyes at each other and kissing good night for weeks!

"I _was_ betrothed. I searched the survivor records for her name. She was a victim of Nero's attack on Vulcan."

Nyota wasn't sure how to respond to that. She touched the back of his hand.

"I had no connection to her, other than the duty that our parents had arranged. The only time I saw her was at our betrothal."

They were quiet for a while. Nyota was having trouble processing all of this. Her boyfriend had been betrothed, but his intended had died in the Vulcan genocide, and he didn't seem to care. Additionally, he didn't know if he could actually have sex with her, unless he was having that _Pon Farr_ whatever. It was a bit much for a sexually frustrated woman; vibrators could only do so much.

She finally spoke, still trying to collect her thoughts. "So, you're not sure if you can have sex with me. You've never masturbated or anything?"

"At times I have experienced feelings of arousal, but I put them aside."

"That's either great or terrible. You've really _never_ gotten off?"

"I assume your crude expression refers to orgasm. As I said, Vulcans do not engage in recreational sexual acts."

"The very fact that we're having this discussion is proof that you're not a Vulcan. You're human too, Spock. I can't believe you never tried!"

"It was an illogical use of time."

"Is spending time with me 'an illogical use of time'?"

His eyes flicked to hers, understanding dawning in their brown depths. "Our time together is very enjoyable. Also, you know that my attitude towards my emotions has begun to change, with your assistance."

"Perhaps you'd like to try arousal, then."

His eyes sparkled. "Perhaps. Do you feel you are a qualified instructor?"

She leaned back on the couch nonchalantly. "Well, it's been a while, but I think I still know my way around a cock."

Without warning, he leaned over and kissed her, hard, with more passion than she had felt from him before. Yes, there had been passion, but always restrained and gentlemanly. Nyota knew that Spock had let something go. She kissed back with even more ferocity, her need erupting within her. He pushed her down on the couch, hands groping at her curves through the thin shirt she wore. She ground her hips into his, he gasped, and with more than a little delight she felt him begin to swell.

He buried his face in her neck and connected their fingers. "Nyota."

She licked his ear, and his entire body twitched as lust surged through it. "That's right."

A nip at her neck was his reply, and she felt his control slipping. Their motions grew more impassioned, and the warm air was filled with soft moans. Somehow she got his shirt off, and then they were on the floor, grasping and touching and pinching and nibbling. His hands were on her face, holding her just a centimeter away. "Nyota."

Her brain didn't want to work. "Spock..."

"I believe a bed is the traditional place for intercourse to occur."

She actually giggled at that. Leave it to her Vulcan to say "let's go to bed" with such linguistic precision. "Yes, it is." She reluctantly slipped off him, and he led her urgently into the other room. Nyota took his hands and pulled her before her as she sat on the bed, and with a swift movement pulled his trousers and underwear down to his knees. His erection sprang free, large and subtly green. It was magnificent. "Oh wow."

"You find me adequate."

She ran her fingernails gingerly along it. "More than adequate, Sugar." Her hand encircled it, and Spock's head fell back, eyes closed; his hands gripped her shoulders. She tickled and teased until his breath came in ragged gasps, then took her hands off his penis and pushed him gently back.

"Nyota, what are you..."

"Just watch."

She peeled off her shirt and skirt, then slowly -- bending over so he could get a good look at her rear -- unzipped her boots and tossed them aside. Next came the bra, flung across the room. All that remained were her white panties.

Spock got the picture quickly, nearly falling over in his haste to get out of his boots and pants. The man was clearly coming undone, and Nyota congratulated herself for that. He moved to stand before her, and she tugged him down on top of her on the bed. They were kissing again, the gentleness gone, replaced by desperation. She _needed_ this; she had wanted it for years. Spock ripped her panties away and rubbed his penis in the moisture between her legs. The friction and heat of him nearly drove her over the edge; she felt her nails digging into his back.

"Nyota." His voice was raspy and pleading. "Help me."

Slowly, tenderly, she guided him inside her. His eyes were shut and a sheen of sweat stood out on his skin in the low light as he pressed into her, and after a long moment of stillness he began to move. There was some trepidation at first, jerky movements, but she responded, grinding against him, and his actions gained confidence. She felt his rhythm and responded to it, driving them faster, closer to the brink. She was so turned on she could barely stand it.

"Ah!" Spock gasped and shuddered as her climax began, her inner muscles clenching him as she came. Fingers grasped his head and pulled him into another kiss, and he moaned his own release into it.

For a long while they lay without moving, their heartbeats and respiration gradually slowing to a resting rate. Spock reluctantly lifted his head from the crook of her shoulder and pressed his fingers against her temples, connecting their emotions as he kissed her, gently this time. Love, deep contentment, a hint of awe. She sent the feelings back to him, delighted in the afterglow of what had finally, _finally_ happened.

"Nemaiyo, k'diwa." His voice was so soft she could barely hear it, but she felt the little vibrations of his lips on hers, the warm moisture of his breath.

"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, Spock."

* * *

_Endnote: Thanks so much for reading this! Those last Vulcan words are from the Vulcan Language Dictionary at www dot starbase-10 dot de slash vld. "Nemaiyo, k'diwa" = "thank you, beloved." "Taluhk nash-veh k'dular" = "I cherish thee," publicly-acceptable Vulcan version of "I love you."_

_Comments are always appreciated! I have the beginning of the prequel to this, which I will get posted as soon as it's ready. Thanks again for reading!!  
_


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